


Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve

by awholenewlevelofcharming



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:06:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1538747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awholenewlevelofcharming/pseuds/awholenewlevelofcharming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"oops!" he hears a deep gravelly voice mumble above him as he bends down to pick up the books (he's not an asshole, okay?) and he momentarily freezes. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>"hi!" louis says before he can stop himself, word vomit, he's bad with it, "i'm louis.... i'm about to sell some drugs--" And <i>oh christ</i> why the fuck would he say that? what the fuck is wrong with him? run away. run away and never look back. switch schools. louis flushes and the boys eyebrows come together, his once relaxed eyes now filled with confusion.</i></p><p> </p><p>or, louis is a drug dealer who thinks feelings are lame and harry is a skater who likes to wear flower crowns and thinks feelings are everything</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **READ FIRST** \- this will contain two parts!  & this one doesn't have caps either, sorry .. 
> 
> [tumblr](http://wemetinthetoilets.tumblr.com), [tumblr](http://wemetinthetoilets.tumblr.com), [tumblr](Http://wemetinthetoilets.tumblr.com) go follow pls i know i'm a loser but i swear i'm nice and great company
> 
> also i should be doing math homework but instead i'm writing this haha wow this is great i'm screwed
> 
> oh well, as always, feedback is much appreciated!
> 
> also, if there are any mistakes i promise i'll fix them later! 
> 
> happy reading! x

louis is probably way too high to be attending class right now.

but he honestly doesn't care, because he's got his best mate, zayn on his side along with niall (of course). however, zayn's hand is entwined with niall's and they're giving each other _that_ look, that look that makes louis want to hurl something at them or just roll his eyes and make a disgusting noise towards them. they are so _disgusting_ because all they do is make love eyes towards each other (honestly, if zayn and niall were emojis, they'd be the one with the heart eyes) and if louis was being honest, he'd say he was actually jealous.

they all go to their seats, zayn on his right and niall in front of zayn (again, of course) and louis smirks when he realizes the seat in front of him is now empty- a girl named perrie dropped out just last week, crying to the professor that art was supposed to be _fun_ and blahblahblah, louis didn't care enough to listen (probably high that day too, which would explain why he doesn't exactly remember the conversation either) - and he carefully props his legs on it, smirk only getting deeper because - _oh, this is comfortable._

"hey, bro," louis hears someone from his right whisper in his direction and letting curiosity get the best of him, he turns his head and oh, it's just stan. "i have an order for ya." that's all stan has to say before louis is on his feet, walking towards stan's table and he might be excited that business is starting to get more busy (probably because of stan, telling everyone he knows where to get the hookup on great weed - because obviously. louis is great) but his feet are way faster than what his brain is processing because he bumps into something - or _someone_ and hears a loud crash of books falling to the ground. "oops!" he hears a deep gravelly voice mumble above him as he bends down to pick up the books (he's not an asshole, okay?) and he momentarily freezes. 

he stands with three heavy books in his hands and finally lets his eyes skimp up to meet _green_ \- lord, his eyes are so _green_ \- and he swears the books nearly fall again, but he catches them with just his fingertips gripping them, when he studies the rest of the strangers face. he must be new, louis muses, because he would've noticed someone so _beautiful_ before. louis lets his eyes scan over harry's face quickly, his cheeks turning a light pink once he realizes he's still holding the boys' books. the boy has chestnut brown hair that falls out into little ringlets - a curly mess on top of a gorgeous face - and - wait, are those flowers in his hair? his lips are the pinkest lips he's ever seen, his skin is pale although it's not _disgusting_ or anything because it glows and _god_ , he smells heavenly. the boys suddenly clears his throat and louis snaps out of his daze. wow.

"hi!" louis says before he can stop himself, word vomit, he's bad with it, "i'm louis.... i'm about to sell some drugs--" And _oh christ_ why the fuck would he say that? what the fuck is wrong with him? run away. run away and never look back. switch schools. louis flushes and the boys eyebrows come together, his once relaxed eyes now filled with confusion.

"m'sorry?"

louis makes a noise in the back of his throat before ducking his head and nearly running to stan's table - what the fuck, why didn't he just give him his books and walk away like _a normal human being_ would. stan's giving him a look but louis ignores it because _ugh_ , he really doesn't want to talk about anything but drugs right now. stan fills out a piece of paper with how much he wants (two grams, which louis normally sells for 20 bucks each gram, however, since it's stan he sells it to him for only 10 bucks) and when he needs it and louis gives him one short nod before turning and walking back to his table.

louis begins to walk back to his desk, noticing that harry took the spot in front of him, but he pushes that away and merely keeps his eyes on the floor before finally looking up, meeting brown and a pair of blue eyes (zayn and niall) and they both have _shit-eating grins_ on them before zayn mouths an, "i'm louis, i sell drugs!"

louis flicks him off.

he could quite literally die of embarrassment right now.

he pushes - well tries - it to the side though and tries to listen to the lecture about art history (they had to do two weeks of that before they could actually _try_ anything every single lesson) but all he can see is a head full of curls with a _fucking_ flower crown in it (which by the way, what the hell?) and a _perfect_ back, you could see his biceps are massive in the plain white tee that he's wearing and the tattoos on his chest because it's a v neck and _christ_ louis might have to go change his trousers. but whatever, he doesn't _feel_ anything, still too high to care. (or so he tells himself, zayn and niall)

when the class is over, louis decides he might apologize to harry but harry's already up out of his chair and setting his skateboard (louis didn't see that earlier) on the floor and skating out into the courtyard. he stares after him and niall nudges him with that same stupid grin. "that's harry." niall acknowledges.

"huh?" louis asks and they all begin to walk to him and zayn's dorm.

"that's harry, he just moved here." niall doesn't elaborate and louis wants to punch him in the face.

"and?" louis urges; he doesn't care, really. he doesn't. he's just curious because what if harry is crazy? what if he went crazy and that's why the dean let him come in this late into the year. what? he's just protecting himself. _he doesn't care_.

"and?" niall raises an eyebrow, evident smirk on his face.

louis huffs, and niall chuckles. "louis, it's okay that you have a crush on him and are curious about him - just ask me."

"ask you what?" louis glares and he hears zayn snort from beside him. zayn says in between laughs, "you want to know how niall knows."

when louis doesn't say anything, niall quips up beside him. "he's best friends with liam. liam payne? you've sold pot to him once or twice. remember him?"

and yes. yes he does.

louis and liam hooked up once or twice, drunk messy hook ups. liam was high or drunk or maybe both both times, and it's not like louis care because he was (of course) high himself. liam was fit - huge muscles with chopped brown hair and pretty brown eyes that look like pools of chocolate. louis' mind wanders again, because wow he's high, and he looks over at his mate, zayn - he's dated zayn before niall came along, for almost one year when they finally broke it off because it was just way too awkward. and louis didn't mind staying close to zayn, being best friends and neither did zayn he guesses. they moved to uni together because they were just a package deal and that's just how it was - no awkwardness between them and louis is thankful. he's happy that zayn found niall, niall is great, maybe a bit too loud in the mornings and he sometimes eats all his food without even realizes, but louis loves them both either way. 

"anyway," niall says pointedly. "he's single and bisexual, so you might have a chance."

louis groans and shakes his head no, because _no_ he doesn't _do_ that. he doesn't do the whole relationship thing and the feelings thing and _ugh_ no. "thanks, but no thanks."

zayn makes a noise from beside him, reaching for niall's hand and for a second, _a second_ , he swears, he thinks that harry and him would make a cute couple.

louis shakes his head and grabs a bag full of weed and puts two grams in another bag for stan and goes and delivers it to him, after smoking himself a bowl with his new pipe.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

louis' high again when he sees harry three weeks later.

louis is in the courtyard doing his homework (for once in his life) and listening to pandora with one earbud in and one out, a picnic blanket underneath his bum and a blueberry muffin wrapper laying underneath all of his books.

harry is doing some weird tricks on his board, a different flower crown in his hair, sweat dripping down from his forehead and his black tee clings to his chest. his eyes rake his body, noticing that he's wearing a paper plane necklace and also notices that his teeth are raking his bottom lip as he concentrates (and honestly, louis hates himself right now because he's _actually_ feeling attracted to this boy right now) and lines cross harry's forehead. he's also wearing these _sinful_ tighttightight black skinny jeans that cling to his small waist perfectly.

louis doesn't realize he's staring until zayn comes up from behind him with a huff. "so what, we're stalking now?"

louis gives zayn a look, noticing that zayn is wearing his favorite raybands - he's about to yell at him for it, but he's more frustrated at zayn's comment - "i _am not_ stalking him-!"

"oh shush," zayn rolls his eyes fondly before teasingly adding an, "you didn't ever look at me that way,"

"oh please," louis says sarcastically, "i quite literally drooled while looking at you, still kinda do." he winks in zayn's direction and zayn gives him a little shove. "oh my god, lou." his face becomes very serious all of a sudden and louis' usual low eyelids are now wide with fear. "he's coming this way. stop, stop what you're doing. louis wipe your mouth, _hurry_!" he hisses.

and _god_ , louis rolls his eyes but nonetheless wipes his mouth quickly, because duh? like, there's obvious _food_ on his mouth, which is gross, obviously, not because he wanted to _look nice_ for the boy or anything. he feels like he's in high school. ugh.

"hi," he hears the same gravelly voice from behind him and louis cautiously tears his eyes away from zayn's and begins to nervously play with a loose string on his jumper. "if i remember correctly you're louis - louis who sells drugs - right?"

and, okay.

zayn chuckles and begins to stand and louis gives him a dirty look, a look that also pleads for him to stay. but zayn is zayn and of course he's going to leave. "i'll see you in the dorm later, mate."

louis watches him go, fish-mouthing for a bit before finally turning back to a curious harry. sweat is still dripping down his forehead and his cheeks are really rosy and louis' stomach bubbles. yes. bubbles. those aren't butterflies - shut up. "i'm sorry-" harry says at the exact time louis says, "yeah, i'm sorry-"

harry lets out a surprised giggle - yes a _fucking giggle_ \- and waves a hand to let louis continue. so louis does. "yeah, i'm sorry that, that had slipped - i'm not usually that, erm, straightforward.. wait, actually, yes i am, you see, i ramble a lot when i'm nervous and it's not like, it's not like bad or anything but i didn't mean for that to come out like that and.. and--"

harry raises his eyebrows, a small smirk forming on those sinful lips. 

_oh my god, louis, please stop._ louis thinks to himself. _please stop talking._

"oh my god, i'm rambling again, please fill free to stop me at anytime because--"

"i think it's cute," harry smiles and are those dimples? he lightly kicks louis' white vans with his black bulky boots, before sitting down opposite of him. "i wanted to apologize for scaring zayn away, but liam told me you were a dealer and i was wondering if i could buy some off you."

louis wants to puke - harry thinks he's _cute_.

louis must've been quiet for too long, because harry's smirk turned into a frown, worry ceasing his forehead. "i-i mean, you don't have to. it isn't for me, obviously, it's for liam, but he didn't want to talk to you about drugs anymore or summat.. because apparently you guys have hooked up?" louis watches as harry's adams apple bounces as he swallows. 

"wait," louis snaps out of his daze, offense clearly on his face. "liam doesn't want to talk to me?"

"no." harry laughs. "that's not what i said."

"yes, you said liam didn't--"

"i said liam didn't want to talk to you about drugs, not that he didn't want to talk to you." harry raises his eyebrows. "you're cute when you're offended."

louis blushes and immediately wants someone to knock him out because blushing was something he _didn't_ do. "erm, yeah then. i guess i'm louis the one who sells drugs."

harry looks at him, biting his bottom lip before tilting his head to the side. "so, can i buy some or?"

"yeah, yeah. do you, um, wanna go back to my dorm? that's- uh - that's where it is."

"already inviting me back to your dorm," harry laughs and fixes his crown before standing and helping louis grab his books. "i like it."

louis doesn't say anything, letting harry carry all of his books before standing and- _oh_. harry is massive. he is a head taller than louis and his biceps are clenching as he moves the books to one side of his torso, because his other hand is holding his skateboard. he folds his blanket neatly before leading the way to his dorm. 

and if he gives his hips a little shake as he walks, he won't admit it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

louis notices that harry's watching him as he lights himself another bowl, smoke filling his mouth as he inhales and as he exhales, some of it comes out of his nose and he watches himself in the mirror because it amuses him that he looks like a dragon every time he does it. louis is about to ask harry if he looks like a dragon but harry is on the other side of the room, looking at pictures of high school louis and high school zayn and _oh no_ \- he holds up a frame (the one with zayn and louis holding hands and skipping, laughs sketched out into their faces) and raises his eyebrows. "i didn't know you and zayn were a thing."

"we're not," louis says in between coughs, smoke must've went down the wrong pipe. "we used to be, but it was awkward and zayn liked niall so."

"niall?" harry asked, placing the photo back down and crossing his arms as he walked back towards louis. "the one with the blonde hair?"

louis nods quietly, packing away a gram for liam before handing it over to harry who already has a twenty in his hand. louis thinks harry's about to leave (kinda hoping he doesn't) but harry plops down beside him, crown bobbing and twisting more into his curls. louis murmurs, high enough to be calm again, "why do you have flowers in your hair?"

harry seems taken aback by the question, a small blush forming on his cheeks before looking down at his hands - clearly embarrassed. "i like them." is all he says and louis simply nods. "they're just fun to wear."

"i'm not like," louis raises a hand and waves it dismissively. "i'm not like making fun of you or anything - i like them to, they bring out your eyes."

"really?" harry smiles, eyes sparkling with mirth. 

louis nods after loathing on the fact that he said that out loud. "yeah, they uh, they're nice."

harry's face seems to fall a bit, clearing his throat before, "well i have to take this to liam." he looks back at louis and of course they make eye contact and louis feels like he's drowning. "can i have your number? you know, just in case, liam wants more." louis bites back a grin, because of course he knows that's not the real reason why, but he holds his hand out for harry's phone and goes to unlock the screen (his background is a picture of him and liam, cheeks smashed together and if louis didn't know any better, liam was high and harry was very obviously drunk) and easily types in his number saving it under 'louis' with a heart and a heart eye emoji just because he's a smug bastard like that. "there ya go!" he boosts and harry smirks before giving his quick goodbye and promising him that he was going to text him their feedback.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

harry didn't text him.

and it's not bothering louis. it's just not.

it's been four hours and nearing midnight when zayn, niall and louis are all out for a quick dinner because they were too lazy to cook for louis, _again_. surprisingly enough, all of them are sober - which would explain why louis won't stop messing with the loose strand on his jumper and won't stop checking his phone - and are sitting in a far booth in the back of the restaurant a mile off campus.

when louis checks his phone again, niall makes a noise, slightly offended that louis isn't listening to his story about how his professor farted or something like that. "why do you keep checking your phone, mate?"

louis shrugs and stuffs his mouth with a piece of bread so word vomit doesn't spill again and thankfully, niall drops it but zayn is shooting him worried glances. louis kinda wishes he got harry's number instead because this feeling that he is feeling is not something he wants to experience ever again in his life because _why him_?????

"louis," zayn says suddenly, worried very evident in his voice. "what's wrong, man?"

niall's eyes whip from his chips to louis' own blue eyes and louis looks between the two. "nothing." louis says and again, stuffs his face with bread.

"you don't even like bread." zayn watches him carefully.

"i do when i'm high." louis shoots back.

"you're not high." zayn argues. "louis, tell us what's wrong."

louis lets out a high pitched groan before pounding his head on the window - receiving dirty looks from everyone else, but worried and shocked expressions from the two boys in front of him. "he hasn't texted me yet." he breathes out embarrassingly, and peeks up to see zayn's eyebrows are disappeared in his hairline and niall holding back a laugh.

he wants to punch them, honestly.

"i'm sorry?" niall says between breathy giggles. zayn nudges him, bless him. "you're acting like this because someone didn't text you?"

zayn kicks louis' foot underneath the table and louis' gaze meets his. he looks between them again before sighing loudly, "harry. harry hasn't texted me yet."

there's a long pause before zayn _and_ niall erupt in a fit of giggles, not used to seeing louis so torn up about something so small and when zayn wipes away his tears and niall's holding his stomach, louis glares, shooting fire beams in their skulls. "wait, wait, wait. you gave harry your number?"

"yes." louis groans. "and i regret it now."

"oh, lou.." zayn says quietly but immediately shuts up when louis gives him a look, before stuffing his face with the food he received. he doesn't say anything more but listens and sometimes adds comments in between niall and zayn's conversation about aliens and zombies.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

 _unknown_ : your weed is powerful (laughing emoji) liam is going on a crazy rant about rugs in the bathroom (more laughing emojis) - harry x

louis was just dozing off in the middle of some short film about fast food his phone balanced on his stomach when he feels it vibrate. he's wide awake now, a small noise escaping his mouth (he won't admit it - especially since zayn wasn't awake to hear it, he could sleep through anything, _seriously_ ) and a feeling of giddiness, louis hates himself.

 _louis_ : or liam is just a lightweight :) why'd you text me so late?

louis was going to type, 'took you long enough to text me' but that involves him showing feelings and feelings are lame he can't do that, so he deletes and rewrites at least five times. he quickly saves harry's number and lays back down once he's calmed down.

 _harry:)_ : probably so. and yeah, sorry about that. my phone died right when i left your dorm and i had class and then liam took me to get dinner and i just got back to my charger.. (crying emoji) 

louis lets out a huff. seriously? he was too tired to reply, though, so sadly (he won't admit that he's sad about not being strong enough to stay up and text harry) he types out a quick - 

_louis_ : oh. sucks. well i was just about to fall asleep when u texted me have a good night harry ill ttyl <3

and when louis wakes up in the morning to a text from harry, he most certainly doesn't help but grin when he reads:

 _harry:)_ : goodnight loubear, sweet dreams. don't let the bugs bite and also dream about me, won't you? x

and he certainly doesn't admit the grin on his face all day is from a curly haired boy named Harry either.


	2. chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **PLEASE READ** : this is shit. i'm shit.
> 
> i cried a couple of times because a few days ago i typed it and it was ready for publication, but then the page decided to be cute and delete everything. so i quickly retyped it. i cried a few more times because i didn't think i'd be able to finish it and yeah. this is shit. i'm sorry. i really am. 
> 
> also, please don't show this to any of the boys. i found out earlier yesterday that someone was sending a few authors' work in and i'm telling you now - don't send in my work to _anyone_ without my permission. if you do, i will find you. 
> 
> feedback is appreciated.
> 
> happy reading!

so for more than four weeks, harry and louis go back and forth with text messages.

_louis_ : good morning hazzabear, are you going to be in art today?

_harry:)_ : morning loubear... why do you want me to be in art today ? ;)

louis doesn't blush - he doesn't. louis tomlinson doesn't blush, especially over something as silly as a winky face. although, he'd be lying if he didn't blush when harry called him 'loubear' either, but that's not the point. obviously. the point is, is that louis doesn't blush.

although harry and louis had never really hung out properly they did talk all hours of the day - through text messages. and louis will admit that it's easily although awkward when they have art together. it's not a big deal, he thinks. they're friends. that's it. so why does louis feel like he wants something more? 

_louis_ : see you there sugarmuffin x 

and okay. he didn't mean to press send before actually reading it. but too late now.

again, even though louis and harry have never hung out properly outside of class or in between class, louis has found out a lot about harry through the constant texting. louis had found out that harry grew up in cheshire with his mum and dad and also his older sister ("she's a blast, lou. you'll love her." - louis pretends he doesn't freak out, as if there's a chance he'll be able to meet the family) and that he never really outed himself, everyone just _knew_ and louis is a bit jealous at that. he also learns that harry is such a fucking sap and he likes to wear flower crowns because it's different and they're pretty and he started skating when he was five. louis learns a lot. and it's starting to suffocate him.

about thirty minutes later, when he's out of the shower and receiving a smirk from zayn, he's a bit disappointed when harry didn't reply. he figures it's okay and that he's overreacting because harry is simply getting ready for class and he'll see him later anyway. louis throws on a plain white and black tee, along with blue washed jeans that fit his thighs perfectly. zayn hums a silent approval, giving him a thumbs up. louis smirks and silently asks, "how's niall?"

the question seems to catch zayn off guard, "he's great." zayn smiles fondly, as he cheeks get a rosy pink. his cheekbones could cut glass, louis thinks. "he had class early this morning, something about the professor moving it up..."

"poor bastard. he's gonna have to run to art."

zayn snorts, "niall? run?" he chuckles. "never. maybe for nandos but never for class."

louis throws his head back, laughing. this was true. "he's great."

the deeper blush that grows on zayn's cheeks makes louis feel a little envious. he kind of wishes for something like that, that feeling of love and accepting and what not - that whole romance bullshit. he smiles at his best friend when zayn murmurs an, "he really is."

louis rolls up a joint, eyes skirting across his small dorm room. looking anywhere but zayn.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

okay, louis isn't an asshole.

he just.. he doesn't have good luck when it comes to admitting his feelings.

in primary school, louis told a pretty girl named eleanor he thought she was pretty and she didn't talk to him for the rest of the year.

in high school, louis had told a bloke named james he had feelings for him, james laughed in his face. so, yeah. he doesn't express his feelings as much anymore - also, his dad always told him that feelings meant nothing once you get older, that all their gonna want is his prick. but that was before he left his mum and louis for some bird with big tits and a nice ass. anyway, louis doesn't _do_ feelings. they're not for him.

it's not like he'll believe harry will do that - but he's not going to tell harry that louis fancies him because he's afraid harry will beat him up. maybe.

and yeah, louis fancies harry. 

a lot.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

"fuck, liam." 

there was a loud bang on the other side of the room and louis halts his small little fist on harry and liam's door - the white erase board hung up by a non-sturdy nail, clearly written in harry's sloppy handwriting, reads:

_a bit busy! knock first!_

after smoking two joins, zayn finally threw a throw pillow at the back of louis' head, demanding he go ask harry out on a date. zayn threatened he'd do it or else he'd tell harry that louis had feelings for him, and that's all it took before louis was out the door.

and now he's kind of regretting it, his high wearing off even though his eyes are a bright red.

there are three more bangs before liam (louis thinks) is moaning and screaming harry's name and - _oh_.

louis thinks his hearts sinks a little. he slowly drops his hand and gulps because now he realizes what's going on. he didn't think liam and harry were a _thing_ , certainly not. louis immediately growls at himself when he turns on his heels and running a hand sloppily through his hair - there was absolutely no reason to be upset over this. harry is single. louis is single. 

they're both single and allowed to do what they want. fine. whatever. no big deal.

but how can louis ignore the way his heart sinks all the way to his stomach and nearly falls out his ass? (okay - not literally, but it feels like it) he ignores the looks he's receiving as he grumbles these reminders to himself and nearly stalks out of the dormitory. 

he tries his best to compose himself before he heads towards the art room, looking for zayn and niall. he doesn't find them and doesn't understand why his stomach starts spinning, making him feel nauseated.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

harry's neck is tagged up.

there are four hickeys in a row from his ear all the way down to collarbone and louis wants to vomit.

but instead, louis tries to smile, even though it probably looks like a grimace, and harry grins back at him. harry looks - well - amazing (without the lovebites) because he's wearing a pink wooly sweater with black (of course) skinny jeans. and he's wearing a pink and purple flower crown and, well, yeah. harry is sort of amazing, probably sculpted by angels or summat, jesus. 

niall and zayn are greeting harry before he sits down, immediately jumping into a conversation about the art homework (and if the two of them didn't see the very obvious bites, they don't say anything - louis is grateful) that louis didn't do. louis is having a hard time understanding, his eyes never leaving the four bites on harry's pale neck. "louis?" harry's voice brings him out his daze, snapping his eyes to meet harry's very own green eyes. "did you hear me? are you okay? what's wrong?"

fuck harry. fuck him for being so caring and sweet and straightforward and sexy and _fuck harry_ \- 

"no." louis sighs heavily. "sorry, i just - i heard something and it's bugging me. don't worry about it. sorry, what were you saying?"

harry simply gives him a look that louis thinks might mean he'll ask again later, but he ignores him and raises his eyebrows expectantly. "i was saying," harry says in a low voice, cautious, before continuing anyway. "did you listen to the new little mix album?" 

and no. he hadn't. but only because little mix was a _girl_ band which probably meant preppy pop music and just _no_. " _no._ " louis says, with a roll of the eyes. "i don't think i will anyway."

"why not?" harry frowns. he's not used to seeing louis like this - all glum and moody. he doesn't like it, louis thinks, he can tell because harry's eyebrows keeping coming together worriedly and his lips twitch a bit. "i thought you said you like my music taste!"

"i like some of it, harry." louis smirks, even though all he wants to do is punch harry in his stupid pretty face. "now shush, i need to graduate."

harry gives him a look - because since when does louis give a shit about academics? "louis, are you sure your okay?" he says in a more quiet tone, and ignores the way zayn and niall shoot louis the same worried looks. louis didn't find them before class so he just took his seat quietly - which okay. whatever.

"m'fine, harry." louis snaps. he doesn't understand why he's getting angry over this. they weren't even together - hell, they have never even expressed their feelings before. but he honestly help the way he's feeling - he feels so dumb right now.

for a second, harry looks like he just witnessed a puppy get kicked in the face as he leans away from louis' sneer. it's a bit sad really, because as soon as louis sees it, harry's face crumples into a glare. "fine." he snaps back and turns, his shoulders tense.

and yeah - no.

louis doesn't like this. harry is supposed to be _happy_ and peppy and talkative and just - this isn't right. louis scrambles his brain for something to make harry smile again, maybe relax and forgive him, because louis doesn't like apologizing. he hates it. "look. i just don't want to talk about it yet, yeah? i didn't mean to snap at you..." he will _not_ say sorry.

that seems to relax harry though, his shoulders relaxing a bit, but as soon as he turns, louis can still see the tenseness in them. harry's eyebrows are shaped like a v, half of his mouth turned in a frown. "d'ya wanna get coffee after class?"

louis swallows down a squeal, because _God_ that'd be embarrassing. although, he hates coffee. he loathes it because it burns your throat and taste like ass. "i don't like coffee." louis smirks.

he ignores the way zayn and niall are staring at them like their from a different planet and louis makes a mental note to flick them off when harry turns around again. harry's eyes squint as he takes louis in, clearly not believing it - although he should, because.. it's true. "fine, tea?"

"love tea," louis hums, smiling a little. "of course. okay."

"okay." harry repeats, his whole face lighting up.

louis ignores it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

they get to a small cafe shop a few miles off campus. harry skates next to louis, and louis doesn't mind one bit. 

"i can't let you pay for all of this," louis murmurs, with a small blush on his cheeks (if you asked him, he'd tell you it was from the cold) and watches as harry pulls out his wallet to pay for a coffee ("oh come on lou, coffee isn't _that_ bad. to be honest, if you surprised me with coffee i'd probably blow you." louis doesn't let that get to him) and pays for louis' tea ("tea is so weird, like... how old are you? 97?") and also two scones. it's really not that much - but louis hates being spoiled. hates the feeling it gives him.

"oh come off it, lou." harry says instead, and leads him to a table in the furthest corner away from everyone else. louis' eyes scan the room and notices that there are many students here with coffee or tea, studying away. louis is kind of jealous because he can't study anywhere _but_ the park (he likes the noise and smell) and sometimes he wonders if this place is any better.

"so," harry smiles. "have you heard from lottie yet?"

louis wants to slap him.

he had told harry about lottie _once_ almost two weeks ago. louis wants to slap him because he's a _listener_ and it surprises louis, because he isn't really used to it. harry is kind of perfect. louis wants to slap him. he hadn't replied to harry's text message and once harry spammed his phone, louis explained that his sisters needed his help and harry immediately relaxed, asking him what was wrong. louis mentioned it once for like seven seconds.

bless harry, because he wasn't pressing on the issue of why louis was in his funk earlier. he really appreciates how harry just _waits_ for _you_ to open up to him. it's great really. "nah," louis brings one shoulder in an attempt to shrug. "she called me the other night and told me thanks but that's about it."

lottie was having a sexuality crisis. and of course, with louis being openly gay, she came to him. and honestly, it made louis feel warm and happy that he was the person his sisters could turn to. she called louis crying and asking what it meant if she had a crush on two or three girls but also on three or four boys and louis spent almost an hour trying to calm her. explaining to her that it was definitely okay for her to like both tits and dick, but that it was easier if she didn't have to put a label on her sexuality - telling her that she can like whoever she likes and thats it.

harry decides to change the subject, "why don't you like coffee?"

"it's just nasty."

"tea is nasty!"

"never." louis shakes his head. "if tea were a person, it'd be my best friend."

harry giggles, louis decides he _loves_ the sound. "okay, weirdo."

"whatever," louis rolls his eyes fondly. "you know this is like the first time we've hung out, outside of texting and class?"

harry nods, eyes lighting up with something like excitement - maybe? louis isn't a fucking mood reader. sue him. but it definitely lights up. "i've got to take you out on a proper date."

louis blushes and he hates it. he doesn't say anything. and harry doesn't mind.

"when and how did you find out you were gay?"

louis is a bit taken aback by that question, harry was always to the point and louis liked that. he also liked how harry never was afraid to admit his feelings when it came to certain people or things. he composes himself quickly though, lifting his shoulders to shrug. "maybe when i found out i liked gay porn over straight. and i was fourteen. how old were you?"

"ten. i had a crush on liam."

louis' face drops remarkably at the mention of liam, but if harry noticed, he didn't say anything. instead, he asks another surprising question, "have you ever.... you know... like, had sex with a guy?"

louis chokes on his tea.

"sorry. that was a bit forward." harry giggles, handing louis a napkin. 

louis simply smirks when his face is cleared of the redness that overcame him, his breathing coming out in short pants from the coughing fit he just had. he doesn't answer harry's question, counters with, "you obviously have."

"m'sorry? what's that supposed to mean?"

louis rolls his eyes and takes another sip of his tea. he presses his lips in a tight line and - _oh god_. word vomit. "i stopped by your dorm this morning." louis hides his face with his mug, feeling his face reddening. 

harry still looks confused, eyes scanning louis' face. louis thinks it's cute - this look on him, the way his mouth is slightly stuck out and lines across his forehead. 

"oh come on," louis wants to punch himself. begs the gods above for someone to punch him in the face so he could shut up. "you and liam? i heard you guys. and you've got bites on your neck, mate."

harry lets out a surprised chuckle, causing louis to crawl back in his chair. and _god_ this is so embarrassing. "lou! no! are you mental?" he says between giggles. "we were wrestling! he took my phone and he wouldn't give it back so i was crushing him - obviously with my super strength -" louis snorts. "and he kept biting my neck so i'd move, didn't work... that little bugger."

louis is kind of sad at how the big weight that was lifted on his shoulders was removed, evaporating just as quick as it came on. he doesn't admit it though, but he can feel a small smile creeping on his lips. "oh." is all he says and harry snorts again, shaking his head in disbelief.

"you're mental." he mumbles again. "he's not my type."

louis doesn't know when he got so confident, but he lets out an, "so what _is_ your type?"

"you."

louis chokes on his tea again.

either harry doesn't notice, or he pretends to. just has a cocky little smirk on his lips as he takes a sip of his coffee. "i'd shag you if you'd let me."

louis considers it, but doesn't respond. just lets his cheek and little huff of giggles answer for him.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

they finally leave the shop two hours later after an argument about cats or dogs (louis said dogs and harry said cats), an conversation about high school and string of compliments from harry to louis. louis said he'd walk harry back to his dorm, because he really didn't have anywhere else to be having his classes canceled for the day - something about teachers meetings. he didn't care enough to listen.

louis notices the way harry takes over louis' bubble, their knuckles brushing here and there and shoulders bumping together. he doesn't mind or pull away though, simply just bites his smiles away. 

when harry gets to the door, he's still rambling on about how he thinks art history is _so boring_ and _pointless_ and sees liam with a joint in his hand and a book balancing on his knees. he's hanging off the edge of the book, looking so serious and focused that louis lowers his voice when he comments on some things. louis knows that liam is cramming, knows that the way liam's eyes are dipped and frantically reading the page that he's stressed - he's known liam for a long time, knows all his flaws and thoughts. "hi liam," he murmurs, glad there isn't much awkwardness. they promised each other they'd stay friends - even after drunk hook ups and slobbery make outs freshman year of Uni and sometimes in high school.

"hi." liam says back quickly. "studying."

"sorry," louis smirks, looking back at harry who is digging through a stack of papers. he sits on what he presumes is harry's bed, watching the two as they work around each other. it's kind of neat, actually. for the first time today, louis notices that harry has flowers in his hair. they're green today and louis quietly asks, "why green today?"

harry looks up and meets louis' eyes, tilting his head to the side in confusion. louis points to his head when liam sighs, quietly showing what louis meant. harry tilts his head back with a silent confirmation and nods, smiling as he says, "i usually go by the color of my mood. and i don't know... green was it today."

"you feel sick?"

"no." harry chuckles. "i just felt like wearing green today."

louis nods, watching as liam shuts the book and takes another hit of the joint he's holding, passing it to louis without even looking at him. louis takes it, of course, taking three hits before handing it back. louis has noticed that harry doesn't smoke - or at least, not when louis is around and for some reason, that makes his heart flutter. maybe harry will be good for him, maybe he'll quit smoking. ha. right.

liam puts his hands behind his head as he leans on the wall that's holding his bed in its spot, "so. there's a party tonight. you guys are invited, and you can invite zayn and niall too, louis."

louis brightens immediately, eyes snapping back to harry who looks just as pleased. "free booze?"

"of course." liam chuckles. "it starts at nine and in this dormitory. it'll be fun, please come."

you don't have to ask louis twice. 

harry nods in agreement, sitting next to louis. "i'll see you there." although it sounds like a question.

louis confirms with a nod.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

louis makes his way back to his own dorm across campus with a hop in his step and a grin on his face.

he doesn't give a fuck how he looks to other people, because _harry_ wants to fuck him and really that's all that matters. he thinks.

he doesn't think about it too much. doesn't think about how he wants more with harry even though harry only said he'd only fuck louis. maybe that's all harry wants.

he doesn't think about it.

by the time he's at the door of his own room - he hears banging against the wall. this is all very familiar, he realizes, and mentally groans. at the same time, however, he hears niall's groan come from somewhere inside. maybe they're wrestling, he giggles, shaking his head and pulling out his phone to give them a fair warning.

he hears the sound of louis' ringtone on zayn's phone (he set up one for zayn to know that it's louis because louis is annoying like that) and hears a string of curse words from his mouth. he hears some rustling and chuckles to himself, shouting an "i'm outside! about to come in!" before he opens the door - seriously? he thought it'd be locked.

zayn huffs and louis' nose crinkles when he smells sex and weed downing on him and circling him up. it's kind of gross. no, it is gross. he walks over to the window by his bed and opens it, before walking back to his side of the room and pulling out his ounce of weed. "are you gonna sell that?"

louis' eyes finally meet niall's, whose cheeks are red and he's breaths are coming out into small little pants. louis smirks, nodding. "at least six grams tonight.."

"you gonna tell us what was wrong today, mate?" zayn raises an eyebrow as he hands louis his pipe back, his hair all messed up and tangled - obvious sex hair. 

louis suddenly feels bad - feels like a cockblock. "just a misunderstanding. hey, i can leave if you guys want? i know you were busy."

zayn blushes and niall laughs, shaking his head. "was just finishing, actually."

"niall!"

louis throws his head back, nearly doubling over with laughter. he loves niall, he really does. "why weren't you at niall's then?"

"greg was there with his girlfriend." niall answers with a look of disgust. niall was great, really bloody great. "no _thanks_."

"you're so gay," louis chuckles, but then his face turns as if he's tasted something sour. everyone was getting laid but him - seriously? he was usually the one bring guys back and kicking niall and zayn out, not the other way around! "everyone's getting laid but me!" he says suddenly, and flicks off zayn once he snickers.

"i can hook yeh up with grimshaw?" and yeah, louis would've definitely agreed earlier. but _harry_. he doesn't tell them that though, he just shakes his head. him and nick grimshaw had hooked up once upon a time, he wasn't bad, a bit awkward, but not so bad. 

"nah," louis shakes his head again. "speaking of which, liam is throwing a party tonight. we should go. free booze, weed...."

niall is already nodding, face brightening when louis mentions free booze, but zayn takes a little convincing.

it takes them another two hours to get ready, although louis only one because he has a sexy party outfit for emergency surprise parties just in case. he's pathetic, he knows. but at least he looks good. he rolls a joint and waits for niall, who is still in the shower complaining about how sticky he was and just - yeah no.

he's high before the party even started.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

louis sits in harry's lap and laughs at everything harry says.

harry has his hands on louis' waist and rubs small little circles. louis doesn't mind, it's comforting. and harry smells like apples and greatness. 

"having fun, lou?"

louis nods, smiling down at harry. "with you, yes."

harry giggles, cheeks flushed and pink. "i like you, you're silly."

louis thinks harry wanted to say something else.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

louis is floating.

he swears he is. he keeps saying it too, like it's supposed to surprise someone. but no ones really listening, but it's not like he's around anyone - well, except harry.

he wonders how he got to harry's dorm, he wonders when or why he even agreed to come - not that he would've said no, but he'd like to remember. he giggles too, when he sees harry quickly scribing out an, _fuck off!_ on the whiteboard for his door.

he'd sold most of his weed to the students, grinning once he realized how much money he made. honestly, it's great. he feels great.

harry is staring at him though, and louis feels like he just got punched in the gut, all the air knocking out of his body and leaving his lungs, leaving him breathless and pink under harry's gaze. he isn't judging, or making fun of him, just staring as if louis were the last person on this planet.

he squirms under his stare anyway, before he's being pushed back onto the mattress. suddenly, there's too many clothes, it's too hot and louis groans quietly. he feels sticky and gross and hot and harry's body is on top of his, harry's breaths coming out into short spurts against his neck. louis doesn't mind though, simply bringing his hand up to harry's curls and tugging, enjoying the noises that come out harry's sinful mouth.

"too many - too many clothes." louis slurs and harry nods in agreement, tugging down his trousers before tossing off louis' shirt.

louis feels self-concious, mind hazy and lost, even though the only thing that's going through his brain is _harryharryharry_ and louis doesn't mind one bit. "clothes off." harry growls against louis' neck, biting down gently and wiping his tongue across louis' sticky skin. louis doesn't mind, he lets a shiver rip through his body as the command from harry goes straight to his cock. louis follows harry's commands - thinks he always will. he's so weak when it comes to harry.

it's ridiculous. 

by the time they're both nearly naked, save for the boxer briefs, harry's already grinding his hips down, causing louis to scream out his name a few times. if he were sober, and not nearly as high, he would've done something, tried to show harry what he could do. "louis," harry moans. "you're so damn perfect."

when louis groans again, harry moves himself in between louis' thighs, kissing down his neck and to his collarbone before leaving a few lovebites in the crease between his collarbone and neck. louis doesn't mind, simply brings his hands up and down harry's back, his waist and squeezes, letting his head fall in between the pillows. harry's grip tightens around louis' waist when he moves down and licks louis' naval, causing another whine escape louis' lips. louis doesn't beg - he doesn't do that. he just waits, but harry seems to know what he's doing, causing louis to go crazy. but he _will not_ beg. nope! 

"so beautiful," he hears harry whisper against his skin, licking a thin strip down louis' pelvic bone. he's teasing. he's definitely teasing louis right now. that little shit. "you're so beautiful, louis." his eyes are asking for permission and louis nods, lifting his hips up a bit.

harry licks the underside of louis' cock, tongue licking up the vein and louis doesn't like the sound that escaped his lips. he flushes a bright pink, but is cuff off from the embarrassment just as harry swirls his tongue around the top, licking over the slit. he's a moaning mess when harry finally takes him whole, his cock reaching the back of harry's throat and - okay. yeah.

harry's great at blowjobs, louis learns quickly.

his massive hands are tight around the base, squeezing and tugging what he can't fit in his mouth - those _sinful_ pink lips and bright green eyes are staring up at him, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. louis thinks harry is perfect, mouth going slack as harry bobs his head up and down.

it's ridiculous.

again.

louis is ridiculous. and he's also embarrassed at how fast he comes, moaning out an, "love, harry- m'gonna- oh fuck!" and harry swallows.

he fucking swallows.

harry pulls back with a pop, eyes tearing up and voice a little rough and scratchy as he asks, "alrigh', lou?"

"fuck yes." louis huffs, calming his breathing as he tugs at harry's curls again. "lemme- let me-" he doesn't say it out aloud, even though he's already moving down the bed and ignoring harry's polite protests.

louis learns that harry is massive, just like his hands and feet and shoulders and just about everything else.

but also learns that harry is tasty. leaving a few lovebites of his own on harry's hips.

he hopes he doesn't mind.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

the morning after wasn't awkward.

although louis expected it to be, it wasn't. and he's forever grateful for it.

harry and louis wake with headaches and groans and simply smile once they realize that they slept in each others arms the previous night. it's kind of perfect actually. 

harry mumbles something about having class in the next hour and that he needed to get ready and louis simply tucks on his curls behind his ear and nods an understanding. he would've kissed him, but. no. 

not gonna happen.

harry looks like he expects it though, but louis didn't want to take any chances, instead murmuring an, "i'll see you later."

louis walks out into the dormitory, realizing that the place is _trashed_ and is really glad that he lives on the other side of campus for once. he does _not_ want to be in charge of cleaning. 

they didn't have sex. louis is okay with that.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

louis is high again at the park a few hours later, studying for his art exam when zayn plops down next to him.

he appreciates zayn a lot more when he hands him a mug of tea, giving him a hum of appreciation. he can feel zayn's curious gaze on him for awhile, although he keeps his eyes down on his paper. he really needs to focus and zayn isn't helping. zayn is never this quiet, and when he is, he's usually curious about something. louis shakes his head and shuts his book, taking another sip before asking, "what?"

"who did you hook up with last night?"

"excuse me?" louis asks incredulously, surprised by the sudden question. 

"you're peppy. you're all.." zayn waves a hand, squinting at him curiously. louis rolls his eyes, bloody zayn and his accusations. "this isn't you. you're high and you're _peppy_. you're never high _and_ peppy."

"i didn't get laid." he answers grimily. "i just spent the night with harry s'all." he lifts a shoulder, trying to act nonchalant, when all he wants to do is jump around and scream that harry was with him last night. 

louis is surprised when zayn just nods, smirking with a shit-eating grin on his face. louis wants to punch him. "what?" he snaps.

"nothin," zayn smiles. "just not surprised."

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"you _likeeeeee_ him."

"it was just a blowjob, zayn."

zayn backsteps, giving him a look and crossing his arms. louis hates him when he's like this - like, he's right, cocky. yeah, he hates when zayn is cocky. it isn't a good look on him. "mhm." zayn says, unconvinced. 

"it didn't mean anything," louis lies. he hates himself for it. but he's _not_ going to admit his feelings right now. "it was _just_ a blowjob."

zayn shoves him with a chuckle, rolling his eyes because he knows louis isn't telling the truth. hell, he dated louis for almost a year. he knows louis like the back of his hand.

louis sighs.

feelings suck.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

when louis finally packs up his blanket and watches as zayn pulls out a cigarette, he swears he sees a mop of curls, ducked and curling in himself, and thinks it's harry.

but the body is too tense and _sad_ and _angry_ to be harry. there's no way.

although, the body is skating away from him. 

louis doesn't think about it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

harry avoids louis for two weeks.

even sits away from louis, zayn and niall in art class. 

louis won't admit that it's making his skin crawl, won't admit that the scratches and cuts on his lips aren't from his chewing them on them nervously.

he also won't admit that he feels like crying at any minute.

he's worried he had done something wrong, maybe. he racks his brain and tries to figure it out. maybe he was bad with his mouth? louis frowns, but immediately screws on a smile when zayn asks him whats wrong. he doesn't talk.

he tries not to think about.

he does. and it's killing him.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

louis has the dorm to himself for the night, zayn leaving with niall for a date night promising louis that they wouldn't be back because niall has the dorm to himself and louis is kind of grateful.

he sits on his arse, sad and exhausted, watching _titanic_ and tries not to think about harry. 

he thinks he's being ridiculous, but he can't help but feel the emptiness in his chest but he tries to push away the self pity and betrayal he feels.

rose is about to let go of jack when the door to louis' room is being knocked on. louis has tears in his eyes and doesn't care when he goes to open the door. he's watching _titanic, damnit_ he'll cry if he wants to.

when he opens the door, he swears he stops breathing.

he doesn't breathe. literally.

he feels like someone vacuumed out louis' lungs, pulled them out of his chest and are taunting him by waving them in his face and laughing. okay, overdramatic. but whatever. that's how he feels right now.

harry is swaying on the balls of his feet, eyes red and puffy. he looks drunk and like he'd been crying for hours. days even. the red flowers that are in harry's hair are disheveled, torn and messed up and it makes louis' heart skip a few beats, feels like his heart is being stomped on. he hates seeing harry like this. absolutely hates it.

"hiiiii," harry slurs. and louis takes a step back, eyebrows disappearing in his hairline.

he avoids him for two weeks and shows up at louis' dorm, _drunk_? fuck no. absolutely not. 

he's about to slam the door in harry's face, when harry walks in anyway, sitting down with a bounce on louis' bed. making grabby hands and patting the bed so louis will sit next to him. louis does, no duh, hesitant but does anyway. "harry?" he asks tentatively. "are you okay?"

"no," harry answers back, he's got his hand on louis' thigh, all warm and cozy and louis surprisingly doesn't mind. "will you - will - kiss me?"

louis reels. "w-what?" they've never kissed before, only gave each other head. he's a bit surprised.

"please. please kiss me, louis.."

"harry," louis shakes his head, biting his lip. he hates himself, really. he'd love to kiss harry. but something is very obviously wrong and he wants to know first. "tell me what's wrong first..."

harry's bottom lip starts to quiver and - oh god. oh god, no. louis doesn't do tears, he's about to tell harry to get out, but something is pulling harry to him, making louis want to wrap his arms around him and hold him. he holds back though, eyebrows dipping together as he watches harry's face break. 

"i-i'm just a fuck to you."

louis' eyebrows disappear again, curling away from harry like he's been burned. what? "i'm sorry?" 

"y-you don't like me like i like you, lou..." harry has tears in his eyes now, threatening to spill over. he reeks over booze and louis is suddenly very aware on what's going on. the park. the curls. it was harry. he overheard him and zayn.

fuck.

"oh harry.." louis whispers, frowning etching on his face. his stomach is literally about to fall out of his ass (okay, not literally - but it feels like it) he hates seeing harry like this. "no, darling.."

"please.. please fuck me. we'll just fuck. just - just don't stop talking to me."

louis wants to punch himself in the face.

"harry, i can't." he wants to. seriously. but he doesn't want harry to hurt anymore, doesn't want to do this to harry again. he will just hurt harry, and harry doesn't deserve that.

"why?" harry asks angrily. "you'll suck my dick, but won't fuck me?"

"harry - i -" 

"no, listen." harry snaps. "you can't just _do_ that. walk out of my life after you got what you want? no fuck that."

"harry-" louis is glaring now. how dare harry say that to him when it wasn't true. that is _not at all_ what louis wanted to happen. 

"louis!" harry suddenly yells, he's drunk, very drunk. louis knows he might not be able to remember this tomorrow morning and he's kind of glad. although, he has a sinking feeling in his stomach that reminds him that harry is always full of surprises. "you are so bloody blind! i obviously like you! a lot! and for you to think i'm just a blowjow? a fuck? do you have any idea -?"

"listen here, styles -" louis snaps, and oh no. word vomit. no. "i don't _do_ that sappy romance bullshit. i don't fucking like dating, i hate relationships. there will _never_ be something between us, okay? that's just how it is! i can't live to please you every fucking day, got it? bloody hell, i don't even like feelings. _fuck off_ , okay?!" his breathing is coming out in angry spurts, threatening louis to shut up. and yeah, louis didn't mean some of that, but it's out now. he watches as harry's face crumbles, watches as more tears come out of his eyes and _god_. someone kill louis right now. he wants to suck it all back in, wants to hit himself for even saying it out loud. "harry.. i'm - i'm sorry -" did he just apologize? "i didn't - i didn't mean that.."

he reaches out to grab harry, but harry pushes his hand away, as he lets out a sob. he stumbles his way back out louis' room and louis thinks he should chase after him. get on his knees and beg harry to forgive him, promise that he didn't mean it. but he's frozen in shock, watching as harry throws his skateboard at a wall. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡

louis feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest.

he's standing outside niall's door, hating himself for what is about to happen, but brings his fist to knock anyway. he feels exhausted because he's holding his face in it's normal look even though he's about to break down and fucking _die_. he hates himself so much right now, hates the look he saw from harry. the anger, the sadness - he just, he hates himself. 

niall opens it with an angry look on his face, about to yell at whoever is knocking to _fuck off_ probably. but when he looks at louis, his face turns into worry almost immediately. "lou?"

louis takes a shaky breath, his ears are ringing. he hasn't had a proper cry in years, he thinks, suddenly and he's not about to cry in front of niall and zayn. no way.

zayn comes up from behind niall when he hears him say his name, eyebrows drawn together, but suddenly snapped into a worried look. "louis." zayn grabs louis' arm and pulls him in the room, niall's about to protest but immediately clamps his mouth shut when zayn shoots him a look. "louis, whats wrong?" zayn demands.

louis lets out another shaky breath and - _fuck_. 

he lets out a sob, it's foreign to his ears and he thinks he hears zayn gasp (probably in shock because louis _never_ cries. ever.) louis feels his ribs contract against his lungs and heart, causing him to breathe heavy and gasp for air and bang his head in zayn's shoulder. zayn stops him, of course he does, and niall sits on the other side of louis, stroking his hair as louis pathetically cries in front of them. 

bless them, for being so patient. louis thinks he's hyperventilating. zayn simply shushes him and kisses his hair, as niall continues to stroke his hair. "i-i-m'so stupid!" louis finally groans.

"what happened?" niall whispers and runs his hand from louis' head to his shoulders, gently rubbing them. louis hums quietly in appreciation. 

"h-harry, he.." louis lets another sob escape his lips and zayn nods in understanding. he always knows what's going on before someone can even explain it to him.

"he found out about what he told me the other day," zayn murmurs to niall, because niall makes a noise in confusion. louis cries more until he feels his throat get dry, feeling his chest tighten. "how'd he find out?" he asks quietly.

"h-he.. he was there. he was- he heard- i -" louis gasps again, more tears falling down his cheeks. he feels like shit, really. he wants someone to beat him unconscious. the _look on harry's face_. "i- yelled at him - i-"

zayn nods and bites his lip, watching as niall began to roll a blunt, bless him, really. louis needs it. 

"i - can't - believe -" he says between hiccups. "i - yelled - at - him - the look on - his - face!" 

the three boys are quiet for awhile, and louis sparks his blunt after thanking niall who simply grins and places a hand on louis' thigh.

"i didn't mean to interrupt your night, god, i suck."

"oh shush," niall murmurs, petting his hair. "you never cry. i can tease you about this later."

"niall!" zayn thumps his forehead and louis smirks, nodding because yeah. he could.

after three hits, zayn finally mumbles an, "you sure you aren't in love with him?"

and. oh.

wait.

louis freezes. because. shit.

"i mean," zayn shrugs. "every time i mentioned harry, you'd brighten like a bloody lightbulb. and you always talk about him. and mate, you're crying because you yelled at him - you never cry.. you're crying over harry."

louis stays frozen.

"mate?" niall asks, eyebrows drawn. "zayn, you broke him."

"i did not!"

"but he's got a point," niall rolls his eyes at zayn. "you _have_ seemed a lot more.... peppy?"

louis loves him.

louis is in love with harry.

oh god, no.

he wants to scream, really. wants to tattoo:

_I'M IN LOVE WITH HARRY_

across his forehead.

because he realizes he is. he's in love with harry's slow drawl, and his stupid green eyes and ratty curls and his lips - god his lips, they're so pretty - and the way when harry laughs he throws his head back and his eyes crinkle. he's in love. he's never felt this way before, actually, so he doesn't know. but someone once told him that being in love sucks, you love the person so much that they're all you see in your future, that they're the only person that can be _it_ for you. that person being his dad, but whatever.

he's in love with harry.

he needs to tell him. now.

"i love you guys." louis interrupts zayn and niall's argument on who broke louis, both widening their eyes when he finally speaks. "thank you so, so much. honestly. my best lads. seriously."

they both have confused expressions on their face when louis nearly runs out the door, promising he'll explain later.

louis nearly runs for his life across campus.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

it's almost three in the morning and louis is still wearing his oversized jumper and dirty sweats and his toms with holes in them but he doesn't care right now. he's about to do something he's never done before. he doesn't usually admit things are say things first but he _has_ to do this. he can't fuck this up.

his eyes feel puffy and his face must be red, but he brings a fist to the wooden door eventually. and waits. and waits some more.

he's about to knock again when liam answers, his face laced with confusion and worry but suddenly masked with anger - he looks like an older brother, or a best mate and if louis weren't in such a shitty mood he'd tease liam about it. "i need to see harry," he pants, he can't breathe suddenly, all the running and the realizations have been exhausting him. 

"i don't know-"

"please, liam. for me? please."

liam rolls his eyes but lets him in anyway, trusting louis easily. louis has always loved him for that, he makes a mental note to thank him for that later. liam clears his throat awkwardly and mumbles something about going to study in the hallway before he shuts the door. louis finds harry curled up in his duvet, head buried deep in his pillow. "harry," he whispers, sitting on the edge of the bed. he needs to say it now, or he never will, he's a wimp like that.

"harry..." he whispers again when harry doesn't answer him. "come on, look at me, please."

it takes almost two minutes before harry's turning, cautious, and louis smiles as he sees that harry's curls are in a tangled mess. he wants to kiss the worry line in between harry's eyes away. wants to promise harry that he can give him whatever he wants for the next year or so, as long as he forgives him. "what do you want lou?" his voice cracks and louis flinches back.

"i'm in love with you."

word vomit. okay. 

he didn't want to be _that_ straightforward. wow.

god.

okay.

there. he said it.

he notices that harry freezes, before a grin breaks across his face. "really?"

"really." louis promises. "harry, i'm sorry. i don't apologize and i'm not good with feelings.. you know this. you should, i don't know. i don't - i just - i'm - i don't do this-"

"louis," harry whispers, and wraps his arms around louis' neck and pulls him down next to him. "i love you too."

"really?"

"really." harry promises and louis breathes harry in for the first time. "kiss me." 

louis nods, placing his hands on each side of harry's head, looking down at him, blue meeting green. his heart is hammering in his chest and becomes acutely aware of how harry's breathing is accelerating, the way his eyes are basically smiling at louis. "i love you." louis whispers again, loving the way it rolls off his tongue and blows on harry's cheeks. harry blinks, grinning up at him. "i love you, harry."

"i love you," harry whispers back, a small pout on his lips. "now kiss me. please."

louis nods and leans down, harry meeting him half way. their lips are just barely brushing, and louis moves his hand to cup harry's cheek. harry's tongue rolls out onto louis' bottom lip, quickly swiping across and making a noise of pleasure. 

"you taste like crisps and tears." 

louis giggles. "titanic."

"i saw." harry says, sober. although he still taste of alcohol. 

"you taste like whiskey." louis hums. "aren't you a little too young, harold?"

"mm," harry brushes their noses together, content. "aren't you a bit too old? 's kinda weird, my boyfriend is an older man."

_boyfriend_. louis' heart flutters, but smirks at harry's comment. "yeah, it's weird.. people are going to judge us."

harry giggles and shakes his head, pressing their lips together again.

**♡♡♡ six months later ♡♡♡**

"they love you, you know." louis murmurs as he toes off his shoes.

they'd been at louis' home for christmas holiday, harry meeting louis' family for the first time. they loved him the moment he stepped out of the car, awkward limbs and gangly body. the twins played with his hair and lottie blushed a few times at the compliments harry handed out to her. felicite said she loved harry's flowers in his hair and harry said he'd make her a few flower crowns for her before he left. they loved him, really.

"i hope," harry murmurs back. it's late, harry's stripped down to his briefs on louis' childhood bed, and it's a bit unfair really, because they can't really do anything with just the twins across the room. "does jay like me?"

"mum adores you," louis promises, padding over the soft carpet to crawl in bed beside harry. "i adore you."

harry snorts. "okay, like.. eight months ago you would've never said that."

"yeah well," louis brings a hand up to harry's waist, smiling at him softly. harry sighs in content, wrapping his arms around louis' neck. "things change."

"that they do." harry agrees. "i'm glad you're all mine now, though. mine." he bites down on louis' neck, grinning when louis yelps in surprise. 

"love you," louis mumbles tiredly, and he feels harry's smile widen on his neck, wrapping his arms around harry's waist, nudging his thighs in between his own. 

"yeah, well." harry mocks.

louis pinches his hip, although sleep is overcoming him.

"love you too," he hears harry whisper though, right before blackness invades his eyes.

it's like this for the next two years, although one night, harry doesn't whisper back.

breathes out an, "lets get married. so you're proper mine." harry thinks louis will freeze like he always does, or did, when harry expresses something new. however, this time, louis just sighs. 

And nods an agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go follow my [tumblr](http://wemetinthetoilets.tumblr.com)! i'm nice and funny i swear!
> 
> if there were any mistakes i'll go fix them later.

**Author's Note:**

> AGAIN, sorry for any mistakes, i promise i will fix those asap
> 
> also, AGAIN please go follow my [tumblr](http://wemetinthetoilets.tumblr.com) :)


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